How to set intentions (for the new year and other times)

New beginnings inspire many people to think about setting goals. Yes, the new year is one of those times, but so is a new semester, starting a new job, or even moving to another place. You don't have to set a resolution, but many people like to have something to work towards whether that's pertinent to their personal life, social life, career, physical or mental health. If that sounds familiar, then you're probably looking for some tips and tricks on how to set new year’s resolutions or goals for any other time in your life. 

To help make this process feel less daunting, we spoke with therapists about setting goals and intentions, the difference between them, and how to effectively work towards being the best version of yourself in the new year and beyond.

What's the difference between a goal, intention, and resolution? 

There are many different ways people refer to something they want to achieve. Among the most popular phrases is "New Year's resolution"—however, there are other terms that have similar meanings, and in some cases, may even be more helpful in providing a path to success. 

For starters, we all know someone who has a lengthy list of New Year's resolutions or goals, whether that's to get a promotion at work, socialize more, exercise more often, or something else. These are usually more broad and can feel overwhelming and daunting since they are such big undertakings. 

"The term 'resolution' can lead to a rigid thought process and increased self-criticism," says Kesha Martin, MA, LPC and therapist at UpLift. “This language doesn't promote a growth mindset and doesn't leave room for grace or self-compassion. I also feel that it focuses on external validation rather than building an intrinsic sense of worth and value."

On the other hand, setting intentions can be more beneficial for most people. "Setting intentions can lead to a better mindset about the future," says Martin. "It encourages self-reflection which can lead to improved self-awareness which in turn can improve your relationships with others and yourself." 

What kind of intentions are useful? 

Think about an intention as anything that would improve your life or well-being. It’s something you can gradually work toward.

"These can be everything from improving work habits and establishing healthy boundaries to making lifestyle changes," says Martin.

This will look different for every person depending on their unique situation. For example, a college student may have a goal of getting at least one 'A' on their transcript during a semester whereas someone at a different stage in life may be more focused on fostering meaningful friendships as an adult. 

How do I properly set an intention? 

When it comes to setting intentions and goals, there are a few ways to do this: 

1. Make SMART goals 

SMART is an acronym that stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound. 

‍Studies have shown that creating SMART goals increases the likelihood of sticking to them and at the end of the day that's what we want. 

Essentially, this means making your broad goals more specific: Let's say your goal is to make more friends in college. A "smarter" goal would be to "Make a new friend from one of my college classes over the next five months." This can be followed up by more specific and relevant actions that you can take to achieve this. Maybe it looks like striking up conversation at the beginning or end of class, picking a new partner for a group project, or even asking someone to grab lunch one day. 

2. Focus on gratitude 

When it comes to setting intentions, Martin recommends focusing on gratitude. 

"I suggest practicing gratitude as if the intention you've set has come to fruition. For example, if your intention is to start a hobby or writing, try saying aloud, ‘I'm so grateful I've made time for this. It feels good and I'm proud I was able to follow through,’" she says. "This can encourage you to believe that you are capable. It comes from a place of abundance rather than lack, which is important when setting an intention." 

3. Write down intentions 

Whether you're setting intentions or making goals for the new year, instead of saying them to yourself or keeping them in your head, you'll benefit more from writing them down. A Harvard Business Study showed that when people wrote down their goals instead of keeping an abstract idea inside their head, they were more likely to succeed. 

You can get a notebook to write them down in, make a sticky note that you keep on your mirror, or even set frequent alerts on your phone to remind you of your goals when there's a lot going on—or get you back on track if you lose sight of what you're working towards. 

4. Think about the ‘why’ 

If you don't know why you're setting a specific goal or intention, then it's going to be exponentially harder to stay motivated. You want to keep in mind why you want to achieve or do something to keep you on track. 

For example, if you're trying to get back into a better sleep schedule, then you'll want to remember why you're doing it. Maybe it’s to have more energy, better regulate your mood, improve your circadian rhythm, or even something else like finding hours that overlap with other activities you want to do. No matter your ‘why,’ you can use it to motivate yourself. 

5. Trust the process

There can be all this external and internal pressure about setting intentions and goals, especially around the new year, and it can be stressful. Goals are supposed to motivate you—not stress you out to the point where you're lying awake at night. Plus, it's important to remember the mantras "one day at a time" and "slow and steady wins the race." 

Even if you make a mistake or have a bad day, that doesn't negate the progress you've made. (Again, try practicing gratitude for what you have accomplished.) Also, many goals aren’t achieved overnight. Trust me, if there was a magic wand that could reach your goals for you, then everyone would do it. 

If you fall off the bandwagon one day, remember you can pick back from where you left off. Everybody has bad days and makes mistakes and that is not an accurate representation of who you are as a person or your work ethic. 

6. Ask for help 

Setting goals or even identifying the areas in your life that you need help with can be difficult. You can ask a friend if they have any ideas on what you can work on or even a family member. If you don't have that support at home and have the resources, you may also consider seeing a therapist. 

"Finding the right therapist or coach can also help you identify where your values may be misaligned," says Martin. "If you want to see significant change, you have to be willing to take a look at what's limiting your self-perception, as well as your perspective on the world around you.